Emotions suck.

Pain is supposed to make you stronger, better, faster…whatever.

What happens when you’re bitter instead of better?

When you feel like you’re losing the little part of yourself that is the “good” part of you. When jealousy and anger takes over.

When you lose all sympathy for other people’s problems and want to tell everyone to suck it up and be grateful for what they have and you’re waiting for someone to tell you the same thing so you can unload all the pain and anger that’s slowly killing the good in you, on to them.

When you don’t want to be around anyone because you feel judged and watched for everything you do but you don’t want to be alone because you judge yourself for all the same things.

When alcohol makes you feel normal and happy for a bit but you wake up and hate yourself because you can’t remember if you blabbed all of your pain or judged others for theirs.

When bible study makes you feel like the dumbest person that walked the earth.

When all you want is for your husband to hold you and tell you everything is going to be ok, but all you can have is a phone call or a short supervised visit.

When you lie awake at night wondering if he’s going to love you the same when he gets out or if he will do something to make you go through this all over again.

When you hear someone say “everyday is a gift from God” and you want to punch them in the throat.

Where do you go with all of this?

You take it to Jesus. You can bitch and cry to him and he will remind you that he has gotten you through all of the shit in the past and he will get you through this.

Blessings through the bullshit

Smartass Christian